Things I’ve Learned While…

In the mountains on a weekend getaway:

Upon venturing into the mountains in an attempt to escape the desert, a number of things became brutally obvious…

1. Altitude sickness is a very real thing. It is inescapable unless you are completely accustomed to the terrain. It has the ability to make a person feel hungover without the benefit of having been drunk the night before. Staying hydrated will help, but the only thing that will alleviate the pain is evacuating the elevation.

2. Yellowjackets can harmonize. Sure, they buzz around being nothing but nosy. But in case you miss them, they will suspend themselves in front of your face and recruit some of their friends. If you still fail to notice, they will sync the sound of their buzzing in a last-stitch effort to grab your attention. And if at that point you have still failed to notice, well, benadryl will probably be in order.

3. All manner of wildlife (deer, coyotes, squirrels, woodpeckers, etc.) coexists on a golf course in the mountains. They are not afraid of you. At all.

4. When you’re planning a relaxing weekend getaway in a remote mountain location, it is probably a good idea to ensure that your reservations do not fall on the same weekend as the annual Ruff Riders bike rally.

5. You should also avoid scheduling the same getaway when Bret Michaels is in town.

6. If it happens that you inadvertently make your reservations when both Bret Michaels and the Ruff Riders are in town, park yourself in a well-lit area, and watch the crowd. It’s an interesting one and will keep you thoroughly entertained for an indefinite period of time. Just don’t let them catch you looking.

In some ways I feel so much wiser for having experienced this weekend, but more than anything life’s ironic sense of humor has not been lost on me.

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